To Name A Princess
by TheShadowHarted
Summary: What happens when Ace goes on board with the Straw Hat crew for a while? What happens to Sanji, more specifically, when Ace gives him a nickname? And why in the hell am I writing slash at one in the morning on pure sugar? Because I can, that’s why. SLASH!


Well, as my el GRANDE entrance into this account I shall bless you with my LOVELY fanfiction. . Well, of course, this is going to be slash, considering this is the slash community.

Title: To Name A Princess  
Rating: PG-13. For mature humor. But you never SEE anything, so there's no reason to boost the rating.  
Category: Comedy/Romance (I guess, but honestly, it's mostly lust)  
Coupling: I have decided that this shall be Ace/Sanji, the most erotic and strange yet cute coupling in this anime, because it can be and there isn't enough fiction of it. sigh Oh, deal with it people, I like it.  
Summary: What happens when Ace goes on board with the Straw Hat crew for a while? What happens to Sanji, more specifically, when Ace gives him a nickname? And why in the hell am I writing slash at one in the morning on pure sugar? Because I can, that's why.

Oh, and JUST SO YOU KNOW. This is honestly the weirdest narration I have EVER done. It confuses me. Copied straight from my file into this community, about three weeks later... ."" Eheh... So, it was one a.m. at the time I actually wrote it... anyways, it's just for laughs... enjoy!

...that had too many words in all caps...

_To Name A Princess_

Portgas D. Ace was something of a firebrand, in more than one manner. He was a pirate, and not just any pirate but the first mate of White Beard's crew. He also liked to annoy people. It was in his nature and he just knew how to push people's buttons. It was something that couldn't be helped in Ace's view.

Of course, that wasn't all that had earned him the name of a troublemaker. He also had a tendency to set things on fire. Well Ace couldn't help that he had eaten the Devil Fruit of Fire. It had just happened to be the Fruit he had eaten. It was such a lovely little asset in battle. Besides, who needed a sharpshooter when you had someone who could set things aflame?

So Ace had his quirks. Everyone did, that didn't make Ace all that different. So why was it that every time Ace went into port the marines all went after _him_ and all the lower ranking pirates of his own crew tried to out do _him_. Sometimes even kill him. Which was most definitely NOT cool.

People just couldn't leave him alone to eat or sleep or relax or anything simple like that. It was always 'Ace, I think it's time we arrested you,' or 'Ace; you're getting too cocky for your own good. Someone needs to deflate your head,' or 'Hey Ace, I'm applying for first mate, you betta get outta mah way,' in a quite intoxicated drawl or 'Hey, you, get your face outta your food,' from a cook or waiter in some restaurant. That last one was a personal favorite. Narcolepsy wasn't something that could be controlled in the goddamn first place.

And that was why Ace was taking a vacation. A good, LONG, vacation away from his crewmates and his boat to hunt down an old… friend… shall we call him? An old friend… and then fry the friend's ass. But that's another story, and definitely not the story at hand. All we need to know for the story at hand is that Portgas D. Ace was on a sort of vacation.

Since that were the case, it was definitely an odd coincidence that he had run into his brother while he was at a small island port that barely had any business at all. Ace's brother was captain of the Straw Hat Pirates. Monkey D. Luffy and Portgas D. Ace were most definitely brothers. Some would call them insane, nightmares or disasters, some would just shake their heads, and others still would run in fear. How often was it that two brothers had both gotten their hands on two of the most powerful Devil Fruits? Once in a lifetime rarity, that's what it was. Probably two or three lifetimes, but since I'm no good with probabilities, we won't go into that.

As I was saying, they were most definitely brothers. They both possessed that same wacky grin, the same love of meat and food in general, the same walk, right down to that same crazy love of their hats. On the subject of their hats, if you are ever to meet one of the D brothers, do not insult, or worse yet, touch that brother's hat. You will live to regret it – if you manage to live.

Anyway, back to the love of food and the story. So, when two tables opposite each other both carried twenty some odd empty plates, licked clean and smelling of meat and grease, it was no surprise that the D brothers recognized each other instantly. Luffy had rushed to hug his older brother, having not seen him since he had come to ask Luffy and the Straw Hats to join White Beard's crew. They had declined, of course, but it had still been a brotherly moment.

It was also no surprise that they had walked out of the restaurant, arms slung around the other's shoulder, singing off key bar ballads, without paying a penny for the food they had eaten. They had been wrapped up in the moment, who remembers paying for things in times like these anyway? This experience would leave the restaurant in quite a ditch to dig out of, financially speaking. All the owner could do was stare at the empty plates and hope that maybe the D brothers would remember and come back to pay later. Though this was highly unlikely seeing as they were both pirates, but hey, a small restaurant owner could hope. Oh, how that owner hoped.

So, the brothers walked to the Going Merry, Luffy's ship, looking completely drunk and singing off tune and off beat and off key and all those horrible things while swaying from one side of the road to the other quite dramatically. Of course, neither of them had a sip of alcohol, neither of their bodies held it well. Luffy just couldn't hold it in and Ace, well Ace couldn't drink because most alcohol is highly flammable. Which was something that would cause serious issues for someone who wielded fire. The drunkenness was induced from pure happiness and the idea that it would keep people out of their way.

Which it did. People were whispering things about it being rude to be drunk in public and about how the D brothers were together and things would be quite insane since that was the case and best yet 'AHHHHHH! RUN AWAY!' Since that were the case it was definitely no surprise that the Straw Hat cook was not at all happy with them when they arrived at the ship.

"What were you DOING out there? Acting completely drunk and insane… And you could have come HERE to eat you know! You don't have to just walk out of some restaurant to get free food." Sanji was glaring daggers at both of them. It wasn't working though. Both of them were smiling big with their eyes extremely wide. They weren't paying attention at all. Sanji stalked off muttering about immaturity.

Ace called after him, "Hey Mom, lighten up a bit kay?" With a grin and a look to Luffy that said 'I'll take care of this.'

Sanji's back went rigged, but he continued on his trek to the kitchen. He closed the door behind him and put his apron on, the pink one with the cute little panda, to make his food. Apparently the brother's wouldn't need any, but that didn't mean that the rest of the crew didn't. He began chopping vegetables, and then heard the door open and close. He didn't look up until he heard Ace's voice. That omen of evil, Ace's voice.

"Hey, really though, lighten up. We were just having fun."

Sanji put his knife down and looked up at the elder D brother, this Ace character. "Yeah, and fun constitutes causing mass chaos and panic? Not in my lifetime."

Ace grinned at Sanji, "Well if that's what you wanna call it, sure, but I don't think it was that bad. We're leaving port tomorrow morning anyway, so why does it matter?"

Sanji twitched. "We're? As in… you too?"

Ace grinned wider, "Yep, me too." And then he noticed Sanji's apron. The utter shade of pink and the cute wee panda bear was just hilarious. It screamed gay. In fact, almost everything about Sanji screamed gay, and then it screamed 'in denial, do not provoke.' Ace had got the warning, but sometimes he couldn't prevent his mouth from speaking. It had a mind of it's own, I swear. "Nice apron Princess."

And hence started Sanji's infamous nickname with Ace. Princess. Sanji's still confused as hell about it, but Ace seems to think it suits. Oops. I'm spoiling the future for you, back to the present time.

Sanji's body stiffened. Princess! That was a no. Sanji sent a swift glare at Ace that said 'leave now if you wish to keep your precious package' and no, I don't mean the package he carries on his back. In response Ace sat down to watch Sanji, who only muttered darkly and took up a knife and continued cutting vegetables. Ace couldn't stay quiet. "What's wrong with you? Hate me all ready?"

Sanji looked up, still cutting expertly, each slice still equal in size. "No, but you are becoming an… annoyance." And then he looked down to the sliced cucumber and went onto the next.

"An annoyance? Really? I think you want me." Ace said with a smirk.

_Clatter._

Sanji's knife had dropped and a look of horror came across his face. Which turned to amusement. And then to hysteria as Sanji had to lean against the counter to support himself he was laughing so hard. "And what," Sanji asked, after composing himself, "Causes you to believe that?"

Ace grinned again. "Well, when someone lusts for someone else who they fear they can't have, they often turn to their emotions to hate. And since you are clearly gay, but in denial, how could you not want me?"

Sanji was laughing again. This was hilarious to him. "How can I? Your smile irks me and your habits disgust me and you surely lack what I seek in a woman, considering you aren't one. So how can I lust for you?"

Ace just smiled. Denial was not just a river in Egypt, as the saying goes. "You know you secretly love my smile and think my habits are sexy and very secretly desire for men more than woman. The womanizing is such a cover."

Hysterics. Sanji was in pure hysterics. "What are you? Insane?"

Ace paused a moment, a thoughtful look crossed his face. "Some would say that. I prefer to think of it as socially unacceptable, different."

Sanji just shook his head. "You're disgusting."

Ace's grin grew. God, did the grin EVER go away? Well, once in a well, but he's usually partially smiling in the very least. Shutting up now. "No, I'm just different."

Sanji finished chopping the vegetables and moved on to boil water for the noodles. Italian was scheduled for tonight, with EXTRA meatballs. I mean, A LOT of extra meatballs. Have you ever seen how much meat Luffy demanded on his food? Sanji shook his head again. "How could I possibly lust after you?"

Ace jumped up, taking it as a wistful statement, Ace always took things as he wanted to. "So you admit it, you do want me!" There was a smile of victory on his face.

Sanji shook his head. "No, no, no. I don't at all."

"But you just confessed." Ace said as he walked around to lean on the wall, closer to Sanji.

"No, I didn't."

"Kiss me and tell me you don't want me."

"What?"

"I said, kiss me and tell me you don't want me."

"NO." It was a very firm, determined no.

And feisty was better in Ace's opinion. "Too bad." Ace said as he switched their places, Sanji against the wall and Ace in front of him.

"Wait, no. Don't even think-" But it was too late, he was cut off by Ace's lips on his, oddly soft in that position, yet firm and possessive. Struggling was futile. Besides, Ace had him topped in strength. He might as well return the kiss, you know, to make the best of it.

And Portgas D. Ace pulled away, looking like a new man to Sanji. Ace's lips were only inches away from Sanji's. "Now tell me you don't want me Princess." Ace said with a grin, stepping back quickly before Sanji could knee him in the balls. Which is exactly what Sanji had aimed for. Ace smirked and left the kitchen. So it was going to be a bit rough. That was okay. Ace was always willing to try something new.

Sanji stared at the door, still in a slight shock over the kiss. Maybe having Ace stay on board for a while wouldn't be so bad… Though the nickname would definitely have to go. And then the smell of burning reached Sanji's nose. He turned around and found the water had overflowed, the white foam of the boiled water had reached the halfway point to the ground and the stovetop was on fire.

_"SHIT!"_ And then again, maybe it would be.

_Epilogue_

I can spoil the future now! And I can tell you that in conclusion, the nickname never left Sanji. It was one of those things you have to get used to, and eventually get to know and love. If you ever come across one of those things, just give it time. Those things require patience.

_"Oh Princess… come here."_

"Ohmygod…"

Sorry, I keep getting distracted. Back to the Epilogue. In the end, both Sanji and Ace were both happy men. Sanji eventually gave up womanizing, as he didn't need to any more and Ace did too. Surprisingly neither of them needed professional help to do so. Though Sanji must need it for something – he's screwing Ace. Oh… oops… this is supposed to be a kid-friendly fairy tale isn't it? Oh well, they have to know about this sort of thing sometime.

_"And how does that make you feel?"_

"I DON'T NEED HELP!"

"Uh huh…"

And Ace we know for a fact needs the help; he's just rather insane. Of course he refuses to believe it so. He's just different. Mentally advanced, as he would like to say. Still, neither of them has ever been happier. Even when they're fighting it's loving and meant purely sweet.

_"Ace! GIVE ME BACK MY BOXERS!" Sanji was screaming in the background and Ace could be heard giggling insanely, surely running away. "If you don't give me those boxers, I swear I'm not going to have sex with you for a whole month."_

There was a shocked silence and then Ace's voice could be heard. "You can't go that long."

"You wanna bet." Another long silence, Ace must've given in.

Of course, this is the most erotic couple I've ever dealt with in narration. I mean, whew, this would leave two NORMAL people satisfied for MONTHS, what they do in one night.

_A slight moan was heard in the background. "Shut up Ace, there are kids read-" Sanji was cut off. Muffled speech is heard in the background and then it stops quite suddenly, giving into the moan yet again._

The narrator stops in shock. OKAY! Who the HELL is writing the background shit? I cannot work with that moaning. This is INSANE.

_The moaning stops._

That's better. Anyway, in short, they got together and it was the best they ever had. Funny because Sanji never thought that he'd be saying that about a man until after he did. You'd never see a happier couple and Luffy got two cute little nephews.

_"WHAT?" two voices screamed in unison._

Kidding, kidding. Scratch the two nephews bit. See, that's what mpreg does to people. It's disgusting and we don't deal with it. Period. End of argument. Don't do it.

_"GET ON WITH IT!" An angry and frustrated yell came from Ace. "We're waiting on YOU."_

Okay, okay. So they lived with the best sex lives ever. Yay.

_"FINALLY," came the two voices in unison._

Everything after here is censored. No, I am certainly NOT going into it, you sick, disgusting pervert you. I like your personality. Come back again sometime. They'll be more pervy bits for you in later tales.

_End_


End file.
